Home | Pictures | Itinerary | Tour Map | Matches &
Results | Laws of Rugby | Journal Entries | Personal Messages | Rugby World Cup History | Rugby
1999 Ugly American Tour - Messages from Tour Members
Shannon Cokes - Feed my dog please. It's been about 3
To any American - Please send music, England is stuck in
the 70's. ABBA rules here.
Mom & Dad - Forget the money, send Pizza.
To the tour members - Just give the ball to Rooster!
-Anonymous tour member
To the U.S. - I'm never leaving this country, these
people worship me!
-Anonymous tour member
The following is an essay by our esteemed tour director, Naas Dalton.
Recovering from injuries sustained in the defense of our try line back in the sweet
US of A, Naas has been unable to take the field except to deliver the necessary pints
required for the completion of the rugby matches. With his disappointment at not playing
rugby with Cowtown United, Naas' thoughts have turned to more learned issues than the
banal brays and insipid vagaries of the other members of the tour. In this essay, Naas
takes a look at the farcical nature of our accomodations, and gives us his enlightened viewpoint
on the topic.
Come Back to the Maindy - by Naas Dalton
Situated on the edge of town in the heart of Cardiff city central is a
lovely village known to the locals as "The Maindy." The accommodations are
converted from an army barrack that was built by the Roman army in 9 A.D., and in order to
preserve the authentic turn-of-the-first-millennium charm, the original beds and sheets
are still in use.
The Cowtown United group stayed in the lovely St. Vincent 6 villa,
which included beds for 24 men arranged in bunk-bed formation. The architect apparently
designed the acoustics to resemble those of a concert hall, where even the slightest snore
is amplified to fill the sleeping chamber. On a still night, the echoes of 18 men deep in
the throes of the World Sinus Clearing Championship could be heard reverberating around
the walls of the historic Caerphilly Castle, a short 20 mile jaunt up the motorway.
The beds themselves were a traveler's dream. The sheets of Bob
McKillup's bunk, warm and still moist from an aborted trip to the urinal, mingled nicely
with Dan Morgan's cupboard, still bearing the badges of many an unsuccessful night at
Brannigan's. In true Maindy fashion, the bunks literally reeked of authenticity.
As with most luxury hotels in the UK, breakfast was included as part
of the arrangement. Since we were health-conscious American rugby tourists, our private
chef was kind enough to prepare a daily menu that focused on allowing us to maintain our
fitness advantage and competitive edge. The daily breakfast consisted of fried eggs and
gammon with three kinds of sausage, hamburger steak, baked beans, and fried bread, all
washed down with orange squash and Sunny Delight (almost 5% fruit juice in every glass!).
To coin a phrase, it was truly a breakfast of champions.
Go Back to Fort Worth